Silly Love Songs
by Ro Nordmann
Summary: Bella was looking for true love, a real life romance, but found that dream shattered by watching something she shouldn't have. Will she ever find the right guy who will show her romance isn't dead? Who is the new guy? BellaPOV One-Shot


**Silly Love Songs**

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc., are the property of their respective owners. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

**-:-**

When I was a small child, probably seven or eight years old, I saw something I shouldn't have that changed my life. Through the open crack of a door, two people, a man and woman were loving each other. What should have been a traumatic experience became my goal, to have passion, romance and true love. I wanted to experience rapture at the hands of my beloved.

Since that moment, I became practically obsessed in everything related to romance and falling in love: television, movies and books. Sadly this cemented a very idealized concept of love and relationships. I was doomed from the start to crash and burn.

My first love was this boy, my neighbor actually. His family had moved next door when I was thirteen and he was sixteen. Just out of puberty, I was mesmerized by his looks and the perfect condition of his male body. Hormones. I was attracted to the buffed up boy with lovely curls and the fact he was older added to his allure. He had his own vehicle, a black Wrangler Sport Jeep, the kind that doesn't have windows, open to the elements. I thought it was the coolest car ever.

I spend many hours observing him from afar, making fantasy after fantasy in my mind. How he would suddenly realize I was the woman he was waiting for and declare his love for me, under my window, a la Romeo and Juliet style. It never happened and I watched as he went through girl after girl.

This practice had a name, my dream boy was a player. My best friend Alice explained it to me, as a way to cure me of my obsession. Alice said it wasn't healthy and I should look at other prospects for love.

I was in total denial, I had faith my boy next door would see me and catch on, that we were meant to be together. All my dreams were annihilated when I saw it. The act I had envisioned so perfectly was no longer sacred and full of romance. It was just straight out fucking. My handsome neighbor was having sex between our houses, with some new girl. I had come to investigate why my dog was going bonkers, barking madly at such a late hour. What I did find was the termination and destruction of my musings. There were no loving words exchanged or kisses. He was kneeling behind her, pounding into her like an animal possessed, grunting and panting. The girl was on all fours enjoying being ravaged, as if she did this all the time.

My prince didn't exist and the castle was shattered into tiny pieces. I wanted to sob on the spot, but used both my hands to contained my painful wailing, from coming out and alerting them of my presence. I ran and kept running, without direction, just needed to escape.

After stumbling into this sobering and life changing event, my fifteen year old self wanted nothing of fluffy romantic movies and happy endings. It's what I call my dark phase that lasted for a very long time. It permeated from my appearance to my thoughts. Curiously, this change attracted the attention of some people, specifically the male population at school. It may have been due to my use of low-cut tops and shorter skirts. No more nice and rosy virginal Bella.

Alice had supported my change in wardrobe. She had wanted to help and make-over my image, since I had grown boobs. This was her moment. I craved to be a different person, to have a new identity. I even started reading Edgar Allan Poe, Virginia Woolf, and Sylvia Plath. No more Austen and Bronte books for me. My parents got worried and had the Talk with me, offered counseling and drug testing. I just laughed and laughed, probably proving their theory that drugs or insanity had taken their daughter. As my gigglefest died down, I explained to them my need to be a different Bella, a more assertive woman who wasn't afraid to express her inner feelings. I assured my both my parents, I was not harboring suicidal thoughts and as far as I knew I was attracted to boys. Taking a deep breath, my mom and my dad departed my room, with the promise of coming to them if I was in any type of trouble or needed to talk about anything. It was sweet of them to be concerned, it was proof they cared and loved me. It just wasn't what I wanted or needed.

The boy grew into a man and followed the expected next step, college. His family announced they were celebrating the departure of their son, with the whole neighborhood. Obviously, I didn't want to go and congratulate him and watch his flirty ways with his latest squeeze. I wasn't a masochist or martyr.

In the end, I guess it was meant to be, but let's not get ahead in the story. I decided I should invite someone to go as my date. Alice was bringing "the love of her life," her soul-mate, Jasper. I always gagged a little, when they were around, it was simply too perfect and lovey-dovey.

Cynical and bitter, that was me at sixteen. But who will I bring to this farewell party?

I was on the lookout at school, for my possible victim. As I was browsing, Tyler winked at me. Gross. Moving on... Eric was walking by, and hadn't noticed he had toilet paper stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Ah... no. Mike was sort of taken, even though that didn't stop him from praising the length of my hair or looking at my cleavage. Definitely, not. Ben was very smart, but only had eyes for one girl, Angela. She apparently had blinders on and hadn't noticed the love sick puppy who follows her everywhere she goes.

What's left? The new guy, what's his name, who always seats in a corner alone at the cafeteria or at the library, reading very thick books. He never smiles and his brows seemed stuck at a frown expression. Like his clothes though, dark like mine. I bet he likes very dark, loud angry music too. Hmm... he is a contender. He is kind of a handsome dude. According to Alice, he has the best sex hair as his hairstyle, which she considers super sexy. I can't tell what color were his eyes, seemed dark. The color of his hair was very peculiar, not red or brown, an auburn would be my best estimate.

Who I'm kidding? I've never spoken to this guy and he doesn't talk much to anyone, except Jasper. Oh, Jazz! Maybe he could help me, he was cool and supported my personal exploration, as he calls it.

As I went on the hunt for Jasper, I didn't notice someone was in the way and ran into him. Yes, definitely a him with that manly smell. Yum! We both went down, I was laying on top of him, sniffing is scent. Fucking embarrassing. His reaction was to take a strand of my hair and bring it up to his nose and inhaled. Oh fuck! It was the new guy and he fucking moaned loudly, without hesitation or reservation.

- "Mmmm... Bella you smell so good..."

What the fuck? I'm being punk'd? This has to be Alice's doing. I yanked my hair from his grip, pushed on his chest and stood over him. Stupid move, 'cause I gave him a free pass to look up my short skirt, my lady parts were barely covered. He had the guts to smirk and look very satisfied. Pig.

- "Excuse me. I didn't mean to run into you. I was looking for someone..."

- "You were looking for me, my Bella."

Ah, what?

- "What? No, I don't even know you. I was looking for Jasper actually, mister I-think-I-read-minds."

- "Admit it, you were looking for me, I saw you staring at me earlier."

- "Must have hit your head HARD on the way down. 'Cause... I need to speak with Jazz, bye."

I turned to leave, but faster than can be possible, he took hold of my elbow, stopping me. I tried to free myself from his grasp, but to no avail. Damn. I huffed and turned towards him and suddenly I'm speechless. His eyes are green, lime green to be exact, my favorite color. Oh my... Snap out of it! Get on with the plan... wait he was talking to me. The plan needed to be adjusted to this contingency.

- "Sorry, I didn't mean to be a jerk. I should apologize for acting ungentlemanly towards you. It wasn't the way I was brought up. I assure you it is not a common occurrence. You must have dazzled me. I want to do this properly, my name is..."

- "Stop. How old are you? Not sixteen with that vocabulary. Are you an alien?"

- "No, I was privately tutored most of my life, since I've been sick almost all my life."

- "Oh... that must have sucked goat balls. Staying inside, not playing with other children, go to school. Wait, what I'm saying, no school is not that bad, right?"

- "Actually, I like being able to be with others again. I owe it all to my cousin James, he donated his bone marrow and that cured my illness, at least so far. This is why I'm allowed at school. I still have difficulty making friends. My only friend is Jasper and I guess by default, his girlfriend Alice. She's your friend too?"

- "She's my best friend, since childhood. Well, we could be... you know... I'm Bella Swan and you are?"

- "Edward Cu..."

- "BELLA!"

I gyrated towards the direction of the scream and it was Alice bellowing my name from the school entrance. Oh, shit! I had forgotten we're going on a shopping outing for the party. I tell her with my hands that I'm coming and turned to say goodbye to Edward, but he isn't there. Odd.

I'm exhausted from the shopping spree, at the same time I'm pleased since I found the perfect dress and accessories, in a dark blue color. This was my goodbye to Emmett Cullen, he would see what could have been his. No more hiding, it was over this dwelling on the past. That night I dreamt of auburn sex hair, panty-dropping smirks, and lime green eyes.

The next day Edward was absent, and the next and the next day too. A week has gone by and no Edward. I started to worry, maybe his disease was back. I didn't have any classes with him, he was in the other 10th grade group, with Jasper. I decided I should ask Jasper, if he knows what's happened to Edward.

Jasper told me, Edward was having medical tests done to assess the leukemia wasn't back. I started crying, it was so sudden the bout and Jasper comforted me. It wasn't fair, Edward had been fighting the cancer since he was seven years old. Since the bone marrow transplant he had been able to interact with the world, not be bed-ridden, inside a hospital, smell my hair and smirk at me.

I became a depressive wraith. I wanted to know that everything was going to be all right, that the cancer wasn't back and that Edward could be my friend... maybe something more. I even forgot the stupid farewell party. Things were abruptly serious. A life could cease to exist.

Next Monday, I was dreading not seeing Edward and what that would mean. Imagine my surprise to see him leaning against the driver's side of his Volvo. As I was walking towards the entrance, he came to join me. At first, we didn't utter a single word, walking in the direction of the 10th grade lockers. Once I opened mine, he took a deep breath, making me look his way.

- "Bella, um... I know that you were worried about me. Jasper mentioned it in his phone call, last night. I'm fine, healthy as can be, the cancer is in remission and it looks like I'm gonna be cancer free. Of course, I still have to get regular check-ups. So, I wanted to ask you if..."

- "Oh, Edward."

I threw myself at him and hugged him tightly. I whispered against his chest:

- "I'm so happy for you. So happy..."

My throat closed up, I was an emotional mess. I dropped my hands from his back and diverted my gaze to my locker once again.

- "Thank you, Bella. It means a lot, that you care, since we barely know each other. I would like for that to change."

In my inside voice, in a low tone, I responded:

- "I would like that too."

- "What was that? Could you repeat it, please?"

- "I said, I would like that too. Actually, wouldyougotoapartywithme?"

He smirked at me and then nodded. Isn't he adorable? And he understood all that. Wow. It still should be confirmed.

- "Is that a yes?"

- "Yes, Bella I understood your question and accept your invitation. Are we going as friends or as a couple?"

I choked on air.

- "Um... as friends?"

Yep, very convincing. Another smirk. Internal sigh. So handsome and those eyes, I want to swim in them. FOCUS.

- "Are you sure? I wouldn't mind being your boyfriend, especially to prove you are not an ice queen."

- "You heard that story. Pff. Jake deserved everything he got that night, mister grabby and slobber kisser. I said no, definitely not access to my boobs or push his tongue down my throat. He was an experimentation exercise. I chose the wrong subject to execute it. He embellished his version of the facts and therefore I have been called the ice queen, which teases but doesn't touch or be touched."

- "He proved to me that romance and passion really don't exist once again. So I thanked him for the lesson. Men just want women for their bodies, to get their gratification."

- "Is that why you don't have a boyfriend? You don't believe in having a romantic relationship and don't engage in any sexual activity for the sake of gratification."

- "Ah... um... look something happened... that changed my views on relationships and men. I don't to be used and later discarded. I want to be loved, romanced, seduced, be made love to..."

Without my acknowledgement, tears were soaking my shirt and I kept babbling on - "I don't want to be fucked in the backyard of my house, on my hands and knees like an animal, okay?"

Edward looked guilty and took hold of my hands and brought them towards his chest. I could feel his heart beating very fast. I could also smell his scent, it's heavenly. I started to calm, by sniffing him.

He leaned into my ear: "Bella you should be treasured and worshiped. I would never disrespect you and take your body as an animal would take his mate, in plain sight of any lurker. If you would be mine, your virginity is yours to give when you are ready, and I would give you mine."

There it was, words of love, embodied in Edward. The romance I had thought was a lie, did exist. It could my childhood dream still come true? My emotions took control over my motor functions and my lips found themselves in a searing kiss on Edward's pouty lips. He was startled at first, but then he proceeded to respond and kissed me back chastely.

Finally, I understood why Alice would have problems disentangling herself from Jasper. My hands had a life of their own, moving over his shoulders, then touching the back of his neck and ending in his hair. So soft. His hands started to move as well, grazing my sides and touching my cheeks, holding my face. I was about to open my mouth and thrust my tongue into his, when I heard a throat being cleared and the announcement that both of us had detention until 5 p.m.

It was worth getting detention. I had gotten my real first kiss, not that excuse for slobber and intrusion that Jake had given last year. I had actually found the guy my childhood self had been looking for, in Edward. I had abandoned that quest, but life seemed inclined to show me what I had seen through the crack of that open door was real.

The party was this Friday. Emmett would begin his first trimester. He had been accepted to a specialized institute in computer engineering and programming. Who knew the player was a geek underneath.

I was ready to say goodbye to my past and accepting my future. Sadly, I didn't see much of Edward the rest of the week, because of mid-terms and the horrible History research paper due on Friday. My time was consumed into cramming sessions and finishing the paper on the Civil War. Jasper was ecstatic, this was is favorite subject. Freak.

By Thursday, I was so tired I fell asleep in English class, which is my favorite subject and missed participating in the discussion of Hester Pryne in The Scarlet Letter. Alice was impossible to tolerate, she was jumping with excitement every-time the party was mentioned. For fuck's sake, our parents were going to be there. Sometimes, I wondered if her mother took drugs while pregnant. Walking down the hallway to pick my things and leave for the day, I saw Edward. He was glowing and smiling at me. I just had to smile back. He had arrived at my locker and kissed my forehead and grasped my hands. It was official, the new guy was taken, by me.

- "Bella, at what time should I pick you up tomorrow night?"

At this Alice started laughing hysterically. I glared at her and said at 8 o'clock . He nodded and kissed my cheek. He waved towards Alice and left. Breathe. His scent is all over me. I inhaled all I could. Moan. Giggles. Damn. Alice had seen me doing that again. She will never stop pestering me.

- "So, didn't you tell me that love was for saps, that romance was a lie perpetuated by a misogynistic society, for women to be objectified and used to please the men."

- "Ah... what?"

- "You have it bad. I'm happy for you Bella. You deserve to have love and be with someone who loves you back. Edward is perfect for you. He is your match. Isn't that wonderful? We both found our soul-mates."

Blah... blah... blah.

I did have to admit, that I was in cloud nine after feeling his touch, his kisses, hearing his voice, and seeing his smile. I just didn't say any of that to Alice.

The fateful day had finally arrived. Somehow, I was energized and nervous simultaneously. I was longing to be with Edward, enjoy the party and dance. I had to confess I was dreading seeing Emmett. What if the spell was broken? Edward leaves to go to the bathroom and Lauren or some other ho snatches him and he succumbs to her womanly wiles and forgets about me. Then, I find him giving it to the ho from behind on the bathroom counter. Stop. My mind went ahead of me and made catastrophic scenarios of the party. Let's think positive affirmations like: everything will be fine; we will mingle, eat, drink and dance; later, we will kiss, maybe with tongue. Deep breath. There was nothing to worry about, or go wrong. I had the knock dress and Alice's make-up expertise.

Oh-oh... I forgot to tell Edward my address. He could get it from Jasper, or call me.

At the end of the school day, Alice and I went straight home to start with the beautification process. My parents knew that when Alice is in make-over mode, to stay away, so they left us girls to the pulling, the waxing and the dyeing. By 7:30, I was dressed, with a new haircut and honey-colored highlights, and my make-up on. I decided to glance out the window, the one that looked towards Emmett's house. This had been the window I had been glued to once upon a time. I noticed people were starting to arrive. To my astonishment, Edward was already there, saying hello to the neighbors. Hmm... he seemed to know them, perhaps he lived in this very street, that would be splendid. He could make one of my fantasy come true, declare his love from a tree branch as I watch from my window sill.

Alice called my name, taking me out of my musings, to re-check my make-up one last time and to help me put on my brand new heels. I started to pray I wouldn't fall down and break my neck or any other body part. The doorbell announced someone is at the door, both of us sprinted down the steps to open the front door. Amazingly, I didn't trip on my way down and I'm injury free. Their at the doorway were Edward and Jasper, elegantly dressed in dress pants and button-down shirts. It was a dramatic change from rocker tees and rundown jeans, their usual attire. Alice jumped on Jasper, kissing him all over his face. Overzealous that one. I bet she had given herself to Jasper already and hasn't told me, protecting me from her happiness. That is why she was the best friend I could ever have. Jasper carried her away, in the direction of the music inside the house.

Edward extended his arm and said: "My lady, will you accompany me to the party next door?" He kept looking at me, my face, my hair, my dress, as in awe of my presence. He definitely knew how to woo a woman.

- "Oh yes, my good sir."

We began to enter between the swarm of people cramped in the backyard of the Cullens' backyard, greeting them as we walked by. Suddenly, Emmett appeared out of thing air and stands in our way.

No, please don't ruin this night for me.

In his booming voice, Emmett bellowed: "So my little brother's got himself a girlfriend and it's our next door neighbor. About time. He has been obsessed with you since we moved here, so that's three years. I have to say his perseverance has paid off. Here you are, Bella."

Speechless.

Edward was obsessed with me, since he had moved here and his brother was Emmett. I must had an episode, an epileptic seizure and entered the Twilight Zone and I'm going to be sucked into the earth any second now.

Groan and huff. From Edward.

- "Emmett would you please shut the hell up. Bella, what he means is that... Bella are you okay? You have gone all white as a sheet. Bella?"

Fainted.

I was overwhelmed with the revelation. While Emmett had the time of his life, Edward was inside, on bed-rest, fighting to stay alive, fantasying about a brown-haired girl that lived next door. This simply couldn't be happening.

I was given a drink of water and Edward's father, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, was checking my vitals. He declared I was fine and to give me some space. My parents were calmer now, that a doctor had given his verdict and left me with Edward on the sofa of his living room. Edward was brooding, I could tell by the frown forming in his facial expression. I had to reassure him that this revelation changed nothing. Destiny or God had intervened, to guarantee we would meet and fall in love. Alice was right, this was meant to be. Everything was clear to me, Emmett was just a teenager's crush and the Jake fiasco, a stepping stone towards my true destiny, my beloved.

- "Edward, I'm not mad. Really. Its kind of sweet to know you had feelings for me, for so long. I feel like we should have met sooner, so much time wasted. I was losing myself with bitterness and scorn, 'cause I saw something I shouldn't have. It wasn't my business and using that as a justification to judge everyone else. I see it now."

- "Bella, I want you. You are the girl of my dreams, but Emmett had to open his big mouth and ruin the night. It sounded like I stalked you from afar. I just couldn't help wanting to get glimpses of you. I wasn't allowed to go outside, and I wanted it so badly, to see you with the sun shinning on your hair. I want to be with you, and have what my parents and Emmett and Rosalie found in each other. Do you believe in soul-mates, Bella? I do, I have seen it with my own eyes and its what I desire with all of my being. You are mine and I'm yours. Please say something, anything..."

I had closed my eyes and listened to his heartfelt words. Nothing else mattered, it was only us, a single entity. My childhood wish was within my grasp, I just had to reach and take it. I opened my eyes and beamed at my Edward and then giggled like Alice. I had a sudden hunger to be closer to him, so I jumped on his lap, and straddled his thighs. Looking into his beautiful lime green eyes I proceeded to say the words I had been longing to express: "I love you, Edward." With a raspy voice, Edward answered my declaration with his, "I love you, my Bella." I could hold back anymore and kissed him like never before. It was sloppy and awkward, we had never done the french kiss before, but we would learn together and give ourselves, body and soul, to each other, for the rest of our lives.

**The End**


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